Family, work, life

I have been learning driving. As much as I thought I wouldn’t enjoy driving, it actually brings me a new kind of joy and excitement. There is something so obnoxiously fun and liberating about being able go to the highway by myself, roll down my car window and take a breath of the morning air while blasting ‘Somebody Else’ by 1975 on the radio. 

I started learning how to drive for three main reasons. I want to be able to drive myself to places, to be able to become less dependent on my family, and to be able to starting having my own life. Coming back from the States and being able to live with my family again has been comforting and joyful, but it also has been unpredictable and , sometimes, stressful. My parents love me and would wait for me to come home from work at 9:30pm to have dinner with me. However, my parents put an immense amount of pressure and expectations on me without understanding my struggle to process them. Having a job and getting a pay check feels amazing, but it has also been draining. Software developer is a fun job, especially when you have great coworkers that inspires you everyday and provides support whenever you need. It is also challenging occupation, mentally and physically, when your brain needs to pumps out algorithmic expressions from 9 to 7 everyday and your eyes glued to the screen more than it should. Everything in life so far has been very accommodating to me, yet here I am, wanting to get away from this comfort zone and experience new things all over again. 

Aspects of our life seems to be in binary. Your family can either be happy or broken. Your job can either be fulfilling or miserable. Your life can either be great or well, not great. The reality is that nobody is really living in these binaries. Everyone, you, me, we are on a spectrum of these opposites. In our best, we feel passionate and fervent. In our worst, we feel lost and broken. Most of the time, we feel joyous about something and feel depressed about some other things. Most of the time, we enjoy the coffee dates where we talk about the highs and lows of the week with our friends. We enjoy going to the grocery with our parents and listening to them argue about which cabbage to buy. We enjoy the little sentences on the terminal console that says ‘Your program works!’ and then having to fix the bugs in the program that we coded. Events in life, small or big, are never really completely happy or sad, and you are never really completely satisfied or unsatisfied with the consequences of these events. 

It is almost natural for us to be elated that something is happening, and then fearing that this happiness will end eventually at the back of our mind. The happiness is not going to last forever, and so is sadness. Instead of fearing that the joy will go and the sadness will come, we can just enjoy being in the middle of everything. Enjoy the struggle of making a living but don’t forget to always make an effort to become a little bit better tomorrow. That is what driving has taught me, to enjoy the thrill and bumps that I faced on the road, but don’t forget to stay on the right lane. 

Today might not be your day, but tomorrow will. Try to be as humble and grateful as you can, for all the emotions that you are going through. To whoever that is reading, I hope you feel a little bit better today.